How do you keep a marriage strong while dealing with the highs and lows of parenthood? I’m no expert, but here’s what we’ve learned raising our little ones. Date nights are especially important for couples trying to be frugal.
Why? Because finding time for real conversations—to reconnect and “check in”—is hard. With babies or young kids, full-time jobs, side hustles, and household chores (we’re grateful for our small house), it’s a challenge to carve out couple time.
Mrs. Cubert and I use date nights to slip out of “parent mode.” For a short stretch we focus on each other instead of the kids. Sure, much of our conversation still revolves around parenting, but getting away once every other week when we can find a sitter helps. In a perfect world we’d go out weekly, but convincing someone to watch our highly precocious three-year-olds is no easy sell. They’re potty trained, if that helps!
Date nights are big events for us busy parents. We look forward to them because they’re slower, calmer, quieter—kind of the opposite of twin-toddler life. Often that means dining out, and that’s where date nights bump against our early-retirement goals.
Americans now spend more on dining out ($55 billion) than on groceries ($52 billion). Millennials are leading the move toward experiences over stuff. And around here, restaurant spending is growing fast—Minneapolis is one of the leaders. With so many chef-driven spots within walking or biking distance, the temptation to eat out is strong.
Dining out comes with a real cost, and that matters if you’re planning to retire early. Zoosk reports average date-night costs around $174 in New York City and about $83 in Indianapolis. That can add up and affect plans to retire early, save for kids’ college, or travel down the line.
We budget $100 a week for dining out—date nights and family outings. We know it reduces long-term savings, but it’s a conscious trade-off.
So how do you find balance? Let’s imagine we went further: lunches out every workday for both of us, a daily Starbucks cappuccino, and a weekend brunch. Our weekly tab jumps to about $280 (we’d save a bit on groceries). Over a typical working lifetime, that adds up to $2,186,082.16 (yes, I kept the 16 cents for dramatic effect). That’s a lot of tacos.
If you wanted to retire early—say at 40—then over an 18-year career that same $280/week would be worth about $430,087. If the mortgage is paid off, that’s roughly $32,000 a year between 40 and 60, before tapping a 401(k).
Money isn’t the only thing to consider. Imagine being in prison for ten years and given the choice to take a two-week vacation halfway through at the cost of adding another year to your sentence. The math says “no,” but I suspect many would still take the trip. The point is you can’t go ultra-frugal without thinking about how it affects your life. I’m not comparing frugality to prison, but if you ignore the fact that life happens while you’re saving for retirement, you might reach the finish line with regrets.
Does a date night have to cost a lot—or anything at all? I asked Mrs. Money Mustache on Twitter. Her answer: “Since we’re retired, we just have an afternoon latte at the kitchen table and chat. Or go for a walk together. Or go biking. :)” Great, low-cost ideas that still feel romantic. For us, the most important thing is being together, just the two of us.
Could I retire even earlier by cutting costs further and making date nights cheap—think picnics? Sure. We’ve tightened many money habits to reach our goals and will keep at it. During baby and toddler years, options are more limited, so date nights actually feel more necessary.
Date nights are a sacred line on our spreadsheet. Years from now we’ll remember those small escapes fondly—times that helped us recharge and stay connected.