Generally, I’m not a fan of driving. Given the distance, I’d much rather walk or bike. But last night was a softball double-header and the team needed me there on time, ready to bobble the first grounder…
I’m heading to the fields, squeezing through traffic in my tiny 2009 Honda Fit. Conditions are fine—the sun’s out, no potholes, no deer. No Tour de France wannabes clogging the road either. Then I try to move from the right lane over to the left so I can get into the left-turn lane.
Thinking I’d changed lanes without a problem, I glance in the rearview and see a zippy blue BMW coupe right on my tail, driven by someone clearly in a hurry. That car came up behind me faster than a fly on fresh cow manure in rural Wisconsin. My new friend couldn’t have cared less that I needed to change lanes. While practically bumper-to-bumper, he flashed his lights, honked, and then sped off at 60 in a 35 zone.
“What an asshole,” I thought, and yelled it out loud while flipping him off.
I made the turn, but I’m not proud of how I reacted—losing my temper like that. The BMW’s little horn does that to you, I guess. Speaking of which, that horn sounds like precision German engineering attempting to play Beethoven and failing—more or less.
I’m guessing some of you can relate. It doesn’t have to be a BMW, though I’d swear it is about 92.5% of the time. I stewed in a little road-rage bubble for several minutes—long enough to debate whether to act like a jerk or do the smart thing and just keep driving. Adrenaline kept bubbling, but I calmed down before the game. Maybe that extra edge helped at the plate; I scraped out a couple of hits, at best.
Beer helps soothe the mental wounds after encounters with idiot drivers, but this men’s league doesn’t allow alcohol near the fields. No more “church leagues” for this guy.
BMWs have a reputation as performance cars built to be driven hard, so it’s not surprising they attract aggressive drivers. Audi and Mercedes make great cars too, but BMW often feels like a racer disguised as a luxury car. A European friend of mine would agree. He’s driven a Mustang, a Subaru WRX, and other turbo cars, and now prefers BMWs. Thanks to his job, he gets to drive a Bimmer without a monthly payment. Lucky jerk. And he drives like the stereotype—wicked lane changes and fearless speeding.
I’ll admit it’s a rush to ride shotgun when he’s driving like that, but if I didn’t know him, I’d think he was an idiot. (Love you, buddy.)
If you’re skeptical, or you don’t live where BMWs are common, read on. Apparently you can stereotype drivers by their cars—who knew? I’ve got a few stereotypes for pickup drivers too. At least with giant vanity trucks, the psychology is obvious: compensation for something.
So what can we do? First, don’t buy a BMW. If you’re reading this corner of the internet about financial independence and early retirement, you probably don’t own one anyway—congrats. You’re helping society avoid more run-ins with jerk drivers.
Second, avoid BMW drivers. Harsh, I know, but if your close friend or family member drives one, maybe you have to intervene for society’s sake. Suggest trading in for a used Honda Fit. Works every time—trust Reddit.
Third, write your representatives and demand a “BMW Drivers Luxury Tax.” Get them to debate it on C-SPAN. That’s what we pay them for, right? Maybe an import tariff could slow the Bavarian onslaught.
After I cooled off, I wondered what the opposite of a blue BMW might be. A little digging turned up a few makes and models that feel less like road ragers. Maybe if every blue BMW driver switched to a Lexus IS 350, the world would be calmer. Short of that, maybe abduct them for an intervention. Kidding. Mostly.
Deep breaths help. Yoga helps. Riding a bike in a town without blue BMWs is peaceful. Public transit can work too—though I’ve seen these jerks cut off buses. If walking isn’t an option, stay home. Better yet, find a walkable city where you can get groceries and library books on foot or by bike—then you can opt out of commuting and the whole driving frustration.
What can you do to fix your own bad reactions? Now that I’ve cooled off a bit, I have some practical ideas. But that’s it for today. I’d love to hear if you agree with this piece—please comment below!