This past Sunday I let my guard down.
I told the family to get ready—we were going shopping. Time for a little retail therapy. Why does shopping feel so good? Let’s see how a frugal minimalist justifies this one.
My urge started when I noticed we didn’t have enough Christmas decorations. Strange, right? Here I am calling myself a minimalist, and the first thought after decorating the living room was: buy more stuff. Tsk tsk.
Funny thing: we actually had fun getting out of the house. After spending most of Saturday parked on the couch watching football (not exactly cozy Hygge, even with a fire going), I needed a change of scenery. So we switched from turkey to tinsel. A stuffed reindeer, twinkle lights, a “fa la la” pillow, two craft beers, and two mochas later—about $100—and we called it a day. Win for retail therapy, loss for frugal puritanism.
Going to a real store feels almost old-fashioned now. Online shopping used to be a novelty; now it’s where most people buy things. “Online shopping: mankind’s solution for avoiding shoplifting and parking-lot fights,” right?
Some numbers:
– 67% of Millennials and 56% of Gen X prefer shopping online rather than in-store (BigCommerce). Guilty as charged—I’m a Gen Xer and I love online shopping.
– 75% of people are more likely to buy from a retailer that recognizes them, recommends items based on past purchases, or knows their history (Accenture). Yep—Big Brother is watching, and we often like it because it’s so convenient.
– 49% say their least favorite thing about online shopping is not being able to touch or try a product (BigCommerce). That’s why I still enjoy the rare trip to the store. In a Minnesota winter, getting out of the house is almost therapeutic. The Mall of America knows how to sell cabin-fever cures.
– The top reason people shop online is being able to do it any time—24/7 (KPMG). I’m not bidding on thrifted sweaters at 2 a.m., but it’s nice not to be tied to store hours.
– Delivery speed matters. Prime gives you two-day shipping, but if you need a last-minute holiday fruitcake, you’re walking to Walgreens.
– Only 23% of consumers prefer visiting shops for the shopping experience (KPMG). Surprising, but I think season matters—winter makes me more likely to go out and window-shop.
– 53% say Facebook affects their buying decisions. Social media: useful and a little toxic.
A BBC piece a few years back put this in primitive terms. Ryan Howell, a psychology professor at San Francisco State University, says part of the urge to buy is a survival instinct. In hunter-gatherer times, if people saw something desirable, they grabbed it—because it might not be available later. That’s why you can’t resist a cashmere cardigan in a color you don’t already own, even if you have the same sweater in three other shades.
Retail therapy also feels good because it gives you a sense of control—you compare, inspect, choose, and pull the trigger. You can get the same calm by organizing your closet and giving away what you don’t need, though.
There’s another piece: unpredictability. Studies show that uncertainty—will it be on the shelf? in my size? Will the coupon work?—triggers dopamine, our anticipation chemical. That’s why people sprint into Walmart at 5 a.m. on Black Friday.
Online shopping has its own dopamine rush. According to Psychology Today, many people report being more excited when online purchases arrive in the mail than when they buy in-store—high percentages across the US, UK, Brazil, and China. Personally, the idea of sorting piles of cardboard and popping packing bubbles gives me hives. I also worry about the environmental cost. If fuel taxes were higher, maybe we’d rethink how much we rely on these conveniences.
I don’t like accumulating things. Clutter and hoarding make me uncomfortable. So shopping feels wrong for this so-called minimalist. My strategy? One-in, one-out. Buy items that last so you’re not constantly dropping things at thrift stores. I aim for a version of minimalism that also respects the environment—throwing away things should hurt a little.
We donate as much as possible, but mostly I try to avoid cheap, short-lived stuff—those fast-fashion pieces that fall apart after a few washes. With the kids, we stick to timeless toys like Legos. I’ve mixed in my 30-year-old set, and it still works great. The downside: between grandparents, a generous nanny, and indulgent parents, our kids are on track to become Lego hoarders.
While writing this I learned that touching or trying a product can make your brain feel like you already own it. Window-shopping and trying without buying can still be satisfying and save money. The key is moderation and seasonality. I avoid mall trips in good weather—I’d rather be on my bike or doing yard work. A shopping trip or two during the holidays and maybe once in deep winter is enough to get my fix for the year.
Often I’ll wander a store, flip through books, or smell the new pages, and after a few hours I come home happy and empty-handed. Maybe I dropped a few bucks at Starbucks, but that beats charging hundreds of dollars for things I’d donate in a year or two.
It’s like how I eat meat now: most days I don’t. When a special night comes along, I enjoy it more because it’s rare. Same with shopping—because I do it infrequently, it feels like a treat. Sure, the parking and crowds wear on me, but a couple of mall trips a year can feel novel.
So here’s the takeaway: moderation is a solid goal. I came from a childhood full of candy, baseball cards, and video games and now live a pretty moderate life—average cars, small houses, no motorboat. I’ve indulged in other passions—The Beatles, Star Wars, French culture, WWII history, and Fogo de Chao. If only I’d kept that guitar and practiced more.
Blowing money on shopping, dining, and travel all the time won’t help long-term financial goals. Those are indulgences to be limited. Moderation isn’t flashy, and it doesn’t make headlines like living off a tiny income, but it works. Writer Hermann Hesse talks about moderation as the source of love, joy, and poetry in life—save the big pleasures for special occasions.
So yes, it is the holidays—go enjoy a little shopping. Use apps that give you real cash back. Then have a coffee at a local shop, maybe order a steak medium-rare. I’m not telling you to stop saving half your income or to stop improving your earning power, but do pause now and then to enjoy life—just a little.