As kids, we learn to be agreeable. Toddlers test boundaries with a fierce “No,” but by the time we end up in cubicles, many of us have lost that skill: how to say no.
Think about the last time you turned down a promotion, a job, a proposal, or even a free lunch. Rare, right? Most of us accept what’s offered without ever considering the other option.
I’m a firm believer in the power of saying no—not because I’m trying to sound clever, but because it’s made me more confident. Here’s how.
When I first realized early retirement was possible, everything changed. I stopped obsessing over climbing the corporate ladder. That first taste of freedom—when you don’t feel tied to promotion pressure—is huge.
After a big successful project, I was offered a promotion. I turned it down. I knew the next level would make me miserable: the expectations, the politics. I like spending time with my family. I knew saying no would cost me a raise and status, but I didn’t hesitate. My boss was surprised, but ultimately supportive. Later that year I received the biggest raise and bonus of my career so far—maybe because I’d mastered my job.
I’d reached a place where I could handle almost anything thrown at me and avoid trouble. The next rung up felt like a pile of corporate nonsense I didn’t want to wade through. Think of it like baseball: if you’re a great relief pitcher, should you force yourself into a starter’s role? You might be great at it, but you’ve perfected a different skill—coming in for a few innings and closing the game. That’s my plan: keep doing what I do well, work hard, and stay put. I don’t have to polish myself into a top-tier middle manager.
Mastery came from experience and a willingness to change. If you want to succeed, experience helps, but you also have to be open to adapting.
Say yes to changes at work. Companies that refuse to change fail. Careers stall when people resist new processes or complain about the latest “thing.” Don’t bring a bad attitude to work. Be the one who adapts and moves forward. Nobody cares about your past successes if you can’t get with the current program.
Self-control is a common trait among people who handle money well. They skip short-term pleasures for longer-term gains. This isn’t about preaching minimalism—it’s about perspective. Big purchases like fancy cars or houses give a short thrill, then often lead to regret and ongoing costs that drain your money.
Lately I’ve been saying “no” to happy hours more than I’d like. I enjoy friends and the holiday season brings a lot of after-work invites. With work as it is, a few beers sound tempting. My new goal is moderation. I don’t want to become a hermit, but one drink every couple of weeks and leaving before the wings arrive sounds better than going home weighed down and tired.
Relationships are another place where saying no matters. Bad friendships or partnerships can derail you quickly. I’ve cut ties with people who stopped bringing me joy and often dragged me down. That’s tough, and I hope I haven’t caused the same pain for others—but it’s pushed me to be more positive.
Saying no is hardest when dealing with a difficult boss or toxic colleague. I’ve had a few of those and, each time, I eventually left. In hindsight I should have acted sooner, but leaving was the right move. Most early-retirement bloggers I know have strong relationships in their lives, and that stability helps reach big financial goals.
Overall, I’m a generally positive, “yes” kind of person. But turning down certain offers has opened better doors. After that first refused promotion, another offer came from a different team—and I said no to that one too. I haven’t regretted either decision.
What have you said no to lately? A little reflection might do you good after the Cyber Monday rush. If you want more on this topic, check out “The Gentle Art of Saying No” by Leo Babauta on LifeHack.org.